a kind of confession

I think I was going to get into writing a blog because it was going to be like a confession. I could put the words out there and that was all I needed to do. It was like creating a daily journal entry without the privacy that comes with the written page in an undisclosed location. I could announce, somewhat anonymously, my goings on or my deepest most dreadful heartless thoughts. I could share joys or curse to the high heavens and no one would flinch. Much different than the social networking fantasy that I originally had until I befriended my entire family. Now displaying my truest self seems less attractive than it did originally.

I think that I drink too much. My wife and live in mother in law eat unhealthily. In some ways I justify my drinking as an equivalent to their unhealthy behaviors. I suppose everyone out there knows that that is crap. One added distinction: I also eat the same bad foods. Perhaps not as much but I do. So where does that leave me? I honestly enjoy the buzz and if I don't get it with the first few bottles or cans I may very well drink myself silly by nights end while "chasing the dragon". I just won't know how silly till I stand up. I used to use it as a reward system. Like if I got through another week at school, which is inevitable if you show up in class. Stupid stuff like that.

What a downer it is when I've had some to drink and how it sucked all creative inspiration from the evening. It doesn't always happen but it does. What will my children remember of their father and mother and nana when they get older? All of these questions. Answers??? We'll see...

Is this the future of psychology?

Spouting off without any face to react to your internal stuff. No one to tell you "that will never work" or "bad idea". Oh, I suppose if I enable responses to this it would allow anyone to post a reaction or to insert emoticons, which are terribly effective, into their response.
I'm going to try to post stuff worth glancing at from time to time. More or less a journal of stream of consciousness.